Slater’s next beatdown

Poor Heath Slater. The darn kid can’t even seem to figure out opponents twice his age. But at least he’s entertaining in his futile efforts, right?

Anyway, as we inch closer to the 1,000th Raw, I wonder which legends WWE will cart out next to defeat the former Tag Team Champion. Here’s five realistic picks that I think can actually happen. In reality, though, I’d be surprised if I even get one right. I’m admittedly an awful fantasy booker:

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5. NEW AGE OUTLAWS
I haven’t seen Billy Gunn in years, but I’m assuming he’s kept himself in well enough shape to kick around Heath Slater for a few minutes.

4. KING KONG BUNDY
Believe it or not, KKB is only 54 years old. Plus, he was never in ring shape, so he doesn’t have to worry about working out to get ready for a quick Raw match. He can just fall over on Slater a few times before picking up the 5-count. Yes, the FIVE count.

3. RIKISHI
I’d like to see WWE use the Usos’ daddy for no other reason than to shut him up on Twitter.

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2. THE BOOGEYMAN
I can see WWE ribbing Slater by forcing him to down a mouthful of worms, can’t you?

1. THE GODFATHER
And if he’s not PG enough for WWE, they could always sent him out as Papa Shango … or The Goodfather … or Kama …

Honorable mention: Gillberg, Big Daddy V, Goldust, Zeus (although he was never a Raw guy)

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